Does this scenario sound familiar?
You feel a pit in your stomach. You shift attention to something else so that you can escape the yucky feeling. You scroll on your phone or get busy doing a chore or Netflix. Then, you decide to try to “fix” the difficult situation. Your mind starts to “figure out” a scenario that you feel more in control of.
Except that many situations are beyond your control. For example,
- Your child reaches the time to leave home and you will miss him.
- The airline cancels your flight.
- Your long time friend dies.
- You lose the use of a limb due to an accident.
- You fall in love with a person from overseas which asks you to leave behind family . (Yes, I know this one well). 🙂
We create a struggle when we try to change what is beyond our control. Yet, our minds battle with this reality in attempt to avoid discomfort. A clue we are deep in “fixing mode” is when we hear ourselves think things like:
“If I try harder, then I can fix this.”
“I can persuade Kate to see my way and how important this is. She will come around. “
“Surely, he will change when he sees how I really feel.”
Much of life is beyond our control. And discomfort is part of life. The minute we try to avoid it is the second our energy gets caught in a cycle that takes us away from accessing our center.
What can you do?
Breathe. Notice and name the feeling. Then, notice your body. Notice the room and sounds. Place your hand on your heart.
Dr. Russ Harris makes a distinction between breathing for relaxation and mindful breathing:
Breathing for relaxation is usually in a setting that is set up to be quiet and calm. Mindful breathing accepts that life is full of emotions, thoughts, memories and more.
Mindful breathing examples:
Breathe when you are angry. It may not bring on relaxation. But, it could bring about discernment while angry.
Breathe while sad. Allow the tears to come up and wash your face (and heart) and notice your breath.
Breathe when anxious. Make room for your breath while anxious. Notice you can control the speed at which you breathe.
There are many things one can do in the face of pain or discomfort. Mindful breathing is a start. Focus on what you do have control over: your response. Consider a response that aligns with the type of person you intend to be, such as kind, compassionate, or thoughtful.
Love, Kirsten
PS. Will you practice mindful breathing– in the face of anxiety, fear or anger this week? If you do, will you tell me what happens in comment below- or email me? I am here to champion your full range of human-ness.
News that Inspires and Restores Your Soul
Meet Eclipse, a dog that gets on and off the bus all by herself to get to dog park in Seattle! This dog keeps focused on her what truly matters. She doesn’t worry that her owner gets distracted smoking a cigarette! lol. See the story here: https://youtu.be/Bz4XEpK6INU
This has been happening for over 5 years. I checked and it seems she still does this and has become a friend of the community. She even has her own facebook page which brought some laughter to my afternoon.
